Goodbye

I just had another painful lesson in life.

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It started last night in school. I had just arrived at the lab late and was walking around to dry off my perspiration when I heard a loud meowing from the back door. I went to look through the small window in the back door and couldn't see any cat outside. I wanted to just ignore it but it sounded too distressed.

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I unlocked and opened the back door to have a look around the area and immediately saw this tiny little kitten not bigger than my palm. It was kind of on its side and mewing with all its got. Its fur was damp, most probably from the heavy rain earlier. I couldn't see its mother anywhere in the area and without thinking, picked it up and brought it into the lab to dry if off.

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As soon as the door closed behind me, one of my classmates told me that I should not have touched the kitten as the mother would probably reject it now that it has my scent on it.

Now that had not occurred to me at all. My focus was all on bringing it somewhere safer and to dry it off. I never expected that I would be putting its life in jeopardy.

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All this while, the kitten was still mewing away at full volume and someone suggested feeding it. I then decided to go to the pet shop just outside the school to see if I can get some milk formula. This was the conversation I had with the STUPID IDIOT running the shop.

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Me: Hi, do you have any pet milk for a newborn kitten?

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Idiot: Aiyah... no more already leh. I'm still waiting for the stock. How old is your kitten?

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Me: It's a stray kitten less than a week old. It hasn't even opened its eyes. We just found it.

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Idiot: Wah! Like that ah... How about some cat food? (Points at cat pellets)

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Me: *Stunned* Erm... It's a newborn kitten... I don't think it can take solid food.

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Idiot: Oh... yah you need to give milk. Come back next week lah. The stock should be in next week.

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Me: Erm... Never mind. Thanks.

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So as I was heading back to the lab, I made a few calls and managed to locate some milk formula at ARVC. As soon as class ended (It was an extremely short lab... Thank God), I bundled the kitten up in my lab coat and took a cab down to the clinic.

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When I arrived at the clinic, I was pretty much left to do everything myself. I was not viewed as a customer but people just treated me as though I hadn't left. So there I was, scrambling around to find a container to mix the milk formula in, the I had to find a syringe to administer the milk.

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The best part was... I didn't know how to syringe feed the kitten! Let me just remind the audience that I was an ADMIN MANAGER... and the last time I handled a kitten was eons ago. The vet there was finishing up for the day and didn't so much as give the kitten a cursory glance. The night shift nurse was busy answering calls and tidying up the place. One of the three remaining nurses was in a bad mood for finishing up so late and was in a hurry to leave, another didn't so much as glance at the kitten before leaving and luckily for me, Tabs noticed this bumbling idiot trying to feed a kitten unsuccessfully and decided to show me how to tube feed it.

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I was really disappointed in the attitude of my ex-colleagues. They had no drive and no passion left in their work. Even if I was really tired at the end of a work day, I would still be able to recognize a person with a distressed animal and do something about it, be it actually helping or getting someone to help. Last night, I was pretty much ignored and left to my own devices.

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No one even offered to help me find a box or get a hot water glove to keep the kitten warm. It was like a self service station. Eventually, I managed to get everything I needed while holding a struggling, mewing kitten.

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With Tab's help, the kitten had some milk in its tummy and soon fell asleep in the warm box. Seeing that I could not get any more help from the clinic (everyone had already left except the night nurse), I left with the kitten.

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I was then faced with another problem. The kitten had to be fed very regularly and I couldn't possibly bring it with me to work. Luckily Steph stepped in and offered to take care of the kitten during the day. (THANKS STEPH!) The plan was for me to pick up the kitten after work and see if I can reintroduce it to its mother.

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Unfortunately, the kitten started to deteriorate during the day. Steph even brought it to Eugene, who said that the kitten was already weak and was probably abandoned by the mother. He recommended supplementation with colostrum and constant feeding. Kimmie offered to chip in for the medical expenses and also offered a place to keep the kitten (THANKS KIMMIE!) once it has gotten past its critical stage and is able to take solid food. It looked as if we had to change our plans to nurse the kitten back to health instead. However, later in the afternoon, Steph called to inform me that the kitten had passed away.

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I felt angry with myself. I picked up the kitten without thinking if I could actually look after it and as a result, I had to trouble Steph to help me with it. I also couldn't help thinking if the kitten would have been alright if I had just left it alone. Did I do the right thing by taking it? I was told by one of my classmates that she had heard the kitten mewing outside for almost an hour since she arrived at the lab. It was wet and cold when I picked it up. Was it really abandoned by its mother? Was the mother out hunting? Or was it in the midst of being relocated with the rest of the litter?

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All I wanted to do was to keep it warm and comfortable. Why did it die? Did I condemn it by picking it up? Some of my friends seem to think so. I had an argument with one of them last night over the phone. I was hoping for some encouragement but was slapped with a "You shouldn't have done that. What were you thinking?" comment. I retaliated harshly and added an upset friend to my list of problems which has been steadily growing since I discovered the kitten. My mum didn't really help too. She was the one who introduced the "Maybe the mother was in the middle of moving the litter somewhere safe" theory.

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Whatever it is... there is nothing more that can be done for the kitten now. I've buried it under some flower bushes. My only consolation is that it didn't die cold and hungry.

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I'm sorry little one. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I only wanted to help.